The 'How to Annoy Bleach Characters' Guide
by x.insane-chibi.x
Summary: A growing guide on how to annoy your favorite shinigamis, a few "magical" people, a handful of Vaizards, a castle-load of Arrancars, and a quincy!
1. Strawberry, Not Ichigo

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, Tokyo Mew Mew, Barbie (I'll throw that idea to hell if i have to), "The Men In Black" theme song, Hello Kitty, the Numa Numa, and the Chicken Dance.

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**Those _Silly_ Little Originals**:

1.] Call him '_strawberry_'

2.] Dye his hair in a **crapload** of different colors every two days.

3.] Somehow, without getting _killed_, enter him in a **gay** beauty contest.

**:How to annoy him in _my_ way:**

4.] Confuse him with Ichigo from _**Tokyo Mew Mew**_.

5.] Buy a freaking 100-pack of Barbie stickers (The **Fantasy** Edition) and decorate his room and zanpactou.

6.] Play the 'Men In Black' Theme Song when he "_evolves_" into a shinigami.

7.] Buy him an expensive strawberry themed lolita dress. Put him through a guilt trip if he doesn't wear it. Post a picture of him in the dress if he does wear it.

8.] Attach one of those tiny radio things to him without noticing. Give Kenpachi a **GPS system** for it (or a tracking device, whatever it's called)

9.] Name a donut **_after him_** during dinner with him. Start having an intense conversation with it, glare at it, and throw it to the ground _violently_, while stomping it afterwards. Tell everyone at the table that "Ichigo" (the donut) was being a _freaking_ jerk to you.

10.] Draw a **fire-breathing** Hello Kitty attacking and rampaging on London Bridge on his homework.

11.] Sing badly while doing the Numa Numa Dance _while_ he is battling Hollows.

12.] Whenever he refuses to eat Orihime's creations, loudly cry (in a dramatic fashion) while doing the Chicken Dance.

13.] Do this plan:

- Get _Nel_ and **Yachiru** to meet up

- Treat them with a _whale-load_ of candy

- while the two are in a hyper state, get them to annoy Ichigo for the **whole** day

- also tell Nel and Yachiru to tell Ichigo that this is all Rukia's plan for _ridiculing_ her "masterpieces".

14.] When he complains of Step#1, **blow up** four of Rukia's pictures so it could be the size of his room's **walls**. Paste the pictures on his wall with a very strong glue. Videotape his reaction and distribute it to all of Seireitei.

15.] When he asks you why he did that tell him," Well, you **did** complain about the previous wallpaper and besides, Rukia **approves**!" while doing a peace sign.

16.] Replace his backpack with a _Strawberry Shortcake_ themed one.

17.] Decorate his hair with sliced up strawberries when he is asleep. Add whipcream so his hair would have a "sweet" look.

18.] When he is at school, say on the school's projector, "Kurosaki Ichigo, you are dismissed from school for the day. Policemen are here to take you to your **daily therapy session**."

19.] Pretend to be his dad and say," **I AM YOUR FATHER!**"

20.] While doing everything above, do it in a **retarded** (but secretly precise) manner. (A/N: I have no idea how you're going to this one.)


	2. The Quincy Who Likes Capes Too Much

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, Ishida, Naruto, the Secret Agent Man song, the Best Friends song, Pokemon, Godzilla, and the song Three Blind Mice.

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How most do it:

1.] Force him in a dress.

2.] Call him emo (make sure you have good comebacks ready because I don't think he's just going to take that and waltz into his emo corner or doom)

3.] Put makeup on him when he's asleep

**How to annoy him with triple times the power of a million grenades:**

4.] Cosplay as **Naruto**, show up in front of him, and while holding a _carton of eggs_, say ," There you are Sasuke-teme! Here's for abandoning the freaking village!!" Then proceed on throwing all the eggs at him…... AIM AND **FIRE**!!!!!!!!

5.] While he's sleeping _and_ without waking him up, take him to a Bleach convention where the cosplayers are.

6.] Videotape his reaction as he wakes up in a **sea** of people dressed up as himself. (It would've been _also_ awesome if he was in a crowd of Ichigos also.)

7.] Replace his sewing kit with a kid's _pretend_ sewing kit instead. (you know, like the one's made of _plastic_?)

8.] Imitate that one show in _Food Network_ and make delicious-_looking_ food made from his kitchen's salt, flour, and paint. Make sure you use up all of it.

9.] Continuing #8, have dinner with everyone with real food. Give the fake platter of said fake food from #8 to Ishida. Watch as everyone is enjoying the food while Ishida is puzzled why his food tastes like **crap**.

10.] Compare him to a _glasses-wearing_ iguana eating _donuts_.

11.] Pummel him with bananas and pineapples _randomly_.

12.] Play the **Secret Agent Man** song while he's in battle.

13.] Give him a _crappily_ drawn picture of him holding hands with a banana while sliding down a rainbow. Laminate it so he can't rip it. (the drawing should be like ten times as worse as Rukia's. Make it look like her drawings are **better** than the said picture.)

14.] Tape the said picture to his Quincy clothes with very strong tape.

15.] Decorate his room with slices of vegetables.

16.] As he tries to make a _grand_ entrance in a battle, catapult him with **bath toys** so he falls off.

17.] Every time he tries to concentrate on something, play the song "Best Friends" by Toybox at high volume.

18.] Replace all of his computer data with re-runs of Pokemon.

19.] Destroy his eyeglasses and replace them with **over-sized** glasses.

20.] Stuff tiny fish up his nose while he sleeps.

21.] While his Quincy clothes are in the washing machine, put it in a tie-dye shirt. That way his clothes are all _rainbow-ish_!

22.] As he collapses from what you did to him so far, put several surgery tools right beside him and add a bit of fake blood on each one of them. Invite everyone in the room as he wakes up and goes frantic after you tell him that Kurotsuchi-taicho came and **took away** his kidney.

23.] Dress up as a _demented_ clown and stalk him badly. Like hiding under a small water bottle and acting like a mannequin when he turns around.

24.] Whenever he goes to a public place, scream and say " HOLY CRAPPING COW! GODZILLA IS HERE! RUN, KIDS, RUN!!!"

25.] Cry like a banshee. When he asks you why you are crying, say ,"YOUR CAPE IS UGLY THAT IT'S BLINDING MY EYES!!!!"

26.] Steal his glasses.

27.] Videotape him as he crashes **everything** in sight. Make a parody out of it while having the song "Three Blind Mice" playing in the background.

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Yep, there you have it. All 27 ways on how to annoy this bespeckled character, **Ishida Uryuu**!

Now, I was eating candy while eating this, so I apologize if any of these steps don't make any sense. Or you can just tell it to me directly by reviewing. So, my official goal in this fic is to annoy **every** freaking character in Bleach (or at least _half_ the characters) and getting at least 50 reviews before completing the whole darn thing.

And please, just click that freaking button at the end of this and type _something_ at least. So, I need to know next victi- I mean, the next **_lovely_** guest as the next topic! Like Ishida over there ^^! (-points to mentally traumatized Ishida rolling on the floor while singing the Barney theme song-) . BYE BYE AND HAVE A HAPPY FLIPPIN' NEW YEAR~!


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